As Sunday evening rolled around, things were finally progressing nicely, and we knew Ruby would be coming soon. We had missed the OG Ruby’s birthday, but it didn’t matter. Our Ruby wanted her own day and that was okay.
Since I’d had the epidural, I wasn’t able to do any of the standing positions that help open up the hips and encourage baby to get lower. So my nurse was coming in every 30 minutes to rotate me like a rotisserie chicken and manipulate my legs into new positions to encourage her to come on down.
Eventually the pressure got really bad. I was no longer feeling the pain of the contractions but the pressure was increasing with a quickness and had begun to get really painful.
Around 2 am I started feeling like I needed to push. A cervical exam told us I was fully dilated, and even though the contractions were still 5 minutes apart, my nurse encouraged me to start. But after a few pushes, my heart rate dropped. I got lightheaded and sleepy, and every time I pushed, Ruby’s heart rate would also drop. It came back, but it took some finagling and changing of positions to do so. My nurse thought her heart rate was a delayed response to mine, so we took an hour break from the pushing and the Pitocin.
Yet another defeat. Yet another set of tears Matthew coached me beautifully through.
By now I had also been running a fever for a few hours because of my water having been broken for so long, and it was at this point that both of us started to come to the realization that I might actually need a c-section. This might have been the lowest point of the entire labor. To have come so far and endured so much just to have it end in a major surgery was devastating. Matthew, as usual, talked me through these tears as well. The ultimate goal was to get Ruby here safely. We both knew we would do whatever it took to make that happen.
But all was not lost just yet. My nurse still had hope, so we kept going. We started back on the Pitocin and around 6 am I was ready to start pushing again. This time I felt good and her heart rate stayed strong through every contraction. I don’t know what changed, but this time it was working. We spent the next two hours pushing through contractions, Matthew holding one leg and literally coaching me through each and every push. 3-4 pushes per contraction with each push lasting 10 seconds. He even did the counting. His relentless positivity and actual giddiness when he saw her head starting to peak through is something I’ll never forget. It was the only thing that kept me going when I thought I didn’t have anything left. He doesn’t know it, but I clung to him and his encouragement more than I’ve ever clung to anything in my life.
At 8:31 am on Monday, July 21, after 39 hours of labor, Ruby was born. One ounce shy of 7 lbs, 21 inches long. It all happened really fast and, while I was riding high on the magic of finally laying eyes on the most amazing thing I’ve ever created, poor Matthew went into a kind of daze for a while afterwards. There were a lot of people in the room. It was a bit like walking into a Buc-ee’s for the first time – everyone had a purpose and was buzzing around, focusing hard on their tasks. The doctor who delivered Ruby was still working on me. He and two nurses – one assisting him and another working with me – were on my side of the room. There was also a NICU team in the corner tending to Ruby, who had swallowed meconium in the womb and needed to be checked out immediately after birth. And then there was Matt who looked not unlike a lost puppy. Poor guy didn’t know where he should be: next to Ruby to make sure she was okay, or next to me making sure I was okay. But after a few minutes the shock of it all wore off, and he stepped seamlessly into his new role of dad. He has continued to impress me ever since.
Seeing Ruby for the first time is not an easy feeling to explain. Months of waiting and hoping and growing and praying for a healthy baby, especially after a loss, is a source of almost constant fear and anxiety. Not to mention the laundry list of pregnancy symptoms that continue to get more uncomfortable as time goes on. Then there’s the sheer panic when you realize there are only two ways to get her out and there’s no pain-free option for either one. But the reward for all of that is an enormous and overwhelming sense of empowerment and pride. It is absolutely the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I am so proud of my body and what it accomplished in bringing this life into the world. It’s a literal miracle that reaffirms my faith in God and goodness. And I’d do it all over again and again as long as Matthew is the one by my side.
It is magic in its purest form. Or at least it’s the closest we can get as human beings.
This is the part where my birth story ends and the complications begin. The delivery that was supposed to treat my dangerously high blood pressure did not actually do anything. In fact, it got worse.
My BP continued to spiral out of control over the next few days. And the scariest part was that I wasn’t having any symptoms other than some swelling in my feet. I had to do 24 hours of IV magnesium that made me feel awful and gave me a migraine that lasted two days. After that they started me on blood pressure meds that, I didn’t know at the time, depended mostly on experimentation to get right. At one point after starting the meds, my BP spiked to 182/102 and still no symptoms other than swelling in my feet and a slight headache.
More defeat. More tears. More soothing from my husband.
The thing that finally worked was layering another medication on top of the first one. I still needed to be monitored, but this particular cocktail – recommended by one of my nurses – was the magic potion that actually got my blood pressure under control.
And finally, finally, sometime on Friday, July 25, my doctor decided I could be released on the condition that I monitor my BP at home and come right back into the office on Monday for a BP check. We took this deal and skedaddled. We made it home around 8 pm and that’s where I’ve been ever since basking in our new normal and hibernating in that newborn bubble everyone talks about. Maybe it’s because of the amazing support system in the form of my mom and Matt’s mom, but this transition has been better than I ever could have dreamed, especially considering the hormonal crash out happening in my body in real time.
Even though my emotions are all over the board, and almost everything makes me cry right now, I am so, so happy to be in this place with this man and this baby that we prayed for and dreamed about for so long. I’m excited to see where we go from here.
And as for the nurses and doctors at Novant Health Matthews, I cannot say enough good things about them. They were all so kind and accommodating and understanding, and they did absolutely everything they could to allow me the natural birth I wanted. They also saved my life, and I will always and forever recommend them to anyone and everyone who will listen.
I know this was long, so if you’re still here, I appreciate you. Writing things out helps me process. It’s my therapy, and if you happen to enjoy reading my words, please know that I’m grateful for your time.
💕
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