Well, it turns out that the love at first sight from a few months ago was just that: Love at first sight. When things got tough, the tough got going … away from me. Things were great for a while. However, I was eventually forced into the realization that all we had were surface level feelings for each other, and that was not enough to keep us together when life got in the way. I don’t want to say anything bad about him, because we had a good, fun run together–and I did love him. But I do wish that I had been able to count on him when my life got tough and that he had been able/willing to dig a little bit, try to be understanding and connect on a more emotional level with me. Though I admit I did not make it easy on him to do this, I felt like the problems we had were easy enough to work through–everyone hits rough patches, everyone gets stressed out–but what do I know?
Back at work after the weekend I met and spent with Matt, I told everyone I had met my husband. And he was just as comfortable with that as I was, so we spent about three months planning a life for ourselves. We were even planning on moving in together in March when my lease was up (not without a ring, of course–to all of my Catholic family). I was done searching. Game over. Sure, I was skeptical, but after four months of hearing someone say they are going to marry you, you start to think they mean it. That they are actually all in.
While losing all of this and accepting it was disappointing, disheartening and discouraging, that is all it was. I didn’t want to spend my life with someone who doesn’t know how (or want) to work through a stressful or difficult situation.
No, I think the most disappointing thing about the breakup was the fact that I was going to have to start dating again. Ugh. It’s exhausting.
But about three weeks after the breakup, I flipped the switch. I was tired of being sad, so I decided not to be anymore.
And got back on Tinder.
And now I remember how fun dating can be.