My Birth Story, Part I

If you’re reading this you probably know that Matthew and I welcomed our first child a week ago. Ruby Claire Austin joined us two weeks early by an unplanned induction. What was supposed to be a routine prenatal checkup turned into “you need to have this baby NOW.” 

On Friday, July 18, Matthew and I walked into my doctor appointment and basically never left. My blood pressure was super high – something that had become a sort of pattern in the weeks leading up to this – so my doctor sent us over to labor and delivery to “check things out.” 

Turns out “things” were more serious than we thought, and they ended up admitting me that evening. The official diagnosis at that point was gestational hypertension, the treatment for which, if you are full term, is delivery. And since I was 37+ weeks along, I was considered early full term and safe to deliver. 

Thus began a long and painful journey over the course of the next few days that neither of us expected and for which we felt completely unprepared. 

Neither of us had packed our hospital bags and there was a half-assembled dresser spread out on the floor of the nursery that I had planned to finish when I got home that evening. This thing we’d spent 9+ months prepping for suddenly seemed a little too real and like we weren’t actually prepared for it at all. 

But we didn’t have a choice, it was happening whether we were prepared or not. Immediately, Matthew jumped into high gear. While the nurses got me settled into a room, Matt left to go home to pack bags and get the dogs off to boarding. Technical difficulties led to them having to go to separate places, so while he ran around town like a mad man, I was getting hooked up to IVs and briefed on what was about to go down over the next few hours. 

When Matt got back to the hospital we talked a lot about how cool it would be for Ruby to be born the next day. Mawmaw Ruby, whom she is named after, was born on July 19, 101 years prior and it would have been so cool if they could have shared a birthday. It felt strange and overwhelming to be forcing my body into something it was so clearly not ready for, but knowing she could very well come on Mawmaw Ruby’s birthday kept us sane on this night that had strayed so far from anything either of us had expected at this point. 

It’s here that I’ll drop a trigger warning: if you’re squeamish you might want to stop now. I’m holding almost nothing back from this point on. 

Sometime that evening the doctor started me on Cervidil, a medication used to “ripen” the cervix. The purpose is to soften, thin, and begin dilating the cervix to help prepare for birth. It stayed in for 12 hours and was only a small taste of the pain I’d experience over the next two and a half days. The doctor said some people don’t even notice the Cervidil while others get debilitating cramps that mimic contractions. Three guesses as to which one I was. And since I had been planning an unmedicated birth, I refused pain meds for this part. I didn’t sleep a wink that night. 

The next day I saw the doctor who checked my cervix and found that after all the pain, I had only dilated to 1 cm and was only 50% effaced. This was the first in a long line of major defeats in this journey, and I cried the first of many tears. It was also only the start of how amazing Matthew would prove to be throughout this process as he immediately jumped in to soothe me. He’s always had a way with validating my feelings while not letting me spiral too far into the “what-ifs,” and he proved time and time again over the next few days just how good at this he really is. 

The next step was to start me on Pitocin, a synthetic form of oxytocin produced by the body when it goes into labor naturally. They started the Pitocin around 5pm on Saturday at a low dose and gradually increased it every 30 minutes to try to get my body to kick into gear. After a few hours of Pitocin-induced contractions, they checked my cervix again and not a thing had changed. 

Another defeat. Another set of tears. 

The next recommendation to get things moving was inserting a Foley bulb – a catheter with a balloon tip inserted into the cervix and inflated with saline solution to encourage dilation and cervical softening. Once this was inserted it took about 30 minutes for me to dilate to 3cm. It was painful but it worked. 

Our first win. No tears. 

After that they cranked up the Pitocin and this is when things really got fun. The contractions got pretty bad and I was encouraged to take some morphine so I could get some sleep that night. I had been moody and weepy all day from the lack of sleep the night before and constant pain. It was in the best interests for everyone involved that I get sleep — that Matthew and I both get sleep. So I happily took the morphine. 

Sunday morning we saw the doctor again. Another cervical exam showed that I was 100% effaced and 5cm dilated. 

Another win! Two in a row! No tears! 

A few more hours on Pitocin, however, showed no more progress. The next recommendation was to break my water, which they did. They also paused the Pitocin for an hour to give my body a break and hoping to give it a chance to kick into gear on its own. But, an hour later, not a single thing had changed. No more dilation, not a single natural contraction, nothing. My body simply was not responding to this. It was not ready. 

Another mark in the defeat column. Another set of tears. Another great pep talk from Matthew. 

So, back on the Pitocin we went. And as the dose got higher, the contractions got much, much worse. I spent a few hours trying to squeeze a labor comb through the actual worst pain I’d ever experienced – and if you know me, you know I’ve seen and been through some shit. I have a high pain tolerance, but this was different than anything I’ve ever been through before. Each contraction was so bad it brought me to tears, and I finally admitted there was absolutely no way I could do this unmedicated and still be present for the birth experience. I was going to end up screaming through the entire thing, and I didn’t want to do that. So, I admitted defeat and got the epidural. I was so disappointed in myself for giving in. I felt like I had failed because I wanted the unmedicated birth so badly, but Matthew talked me through it and made me feel more empowered than ever. Having an unplanned induction felt like a false start – like I didn’t get a fair chance at a natural birth. Getting the epidural allowed me to be present and alert and aware of what was going on two days into the process, and it allowed me to approach the rest of the birthing experience without fear of the pain. To this day I have zero regrets getting it.

This is getting long, and there is more to this story, so I am going to break this up into two parts. If you’re still reading, thank you for being here. I’ll post part two tomorrow.