Tomorrow, I am heading into surgery to have a double mastectomy and to have tissue expanders put in place to start the reconstruction process (I can’t believe this is finally happening!). So, I thought I would share this post I wrote a few weeks back as a little tribute to the breasts that built me. : )
This was written May 22.
I have yet to run into anything more awkward than having a plastic surgeon tell me that I have beautiful breasts, so I would like to share a little story.
On Monday, I went to a new surgeon for a second opinion on the reconstruction process. He came into the room to introduce himself, said a few words and left again so that I could take my top off (per the standard process). I could tell by his short initial visit that this was going to be a very quick and dirty, let’s-get-down-to-business kind of appointment (I was a work-in). So, I did what I was told and sat back down to wait. When the doctor and his nurse came back in, I opened the gown and the first thing out of his mouth was, “Well, you have great breasts already. They really don’t need much work!”
Well. Sir. First off, I’m not exactly here for cosmetic reasons. Second, I appreciate that. But since I DO have to be here, why don’t we discuss a little lifting and tucking while you’re in there?! There is always room for improvement.
He went on to compliment me on a couple of things I’m not really comfortable repeating with the rest of the world (and not really in a creepy way—it was as respectful as it could have been considering the subject matter), but just know that it made me blush and laugh awkwardly. I wasn’t expecting it, and it just confirmed that I will never truly be comfortable with this new world I have found myself thrust into. I think I could stand naked in front of all of Charlotte today and still be self-conscious with randoms touching and poking and taking pictures of my breasts. Although I do have a feeling that by the end of this process, I’ll be showing those babies off to anyone who wants to see them.
Anyway, I’m well aware that he more than likely compliments all his cancer patients’ breasts because, let’s face it, having to say goodbye to your OGs isn’t an easy thing for anyone to prepare for, and people have, so far, been pretty sympathetic to that. But if I’m being honest, a small part of me enjoyed his comments.
Yes, my boobs are starting to show signs of wear and tear but I’ve always taken a certain amount of pride in them. They’ve always been large enough to get me a good amount of cleavage when I needed it but still small enough to hold their own with a strapless bra. They got me through my Nashville years unscathed, and I have never had anything but compliments on them (…sorry, mom…). And, while I can maybe count on one hand the amount of girls I have seen naked, I remember always being shamelessly but secretly proud of the way mine looked as far as shape and proportion in comparison to theirs. (And don’t try to act like you don’t compare body parts when given the chance! We are only human.)
So, I’m not going to lie, it’s always nice to be validated every now and then. And, I’m sorry, but when a plastic surgeon tells you your boobs are beautiful, you take that inch and turning it into 17 f’ing miles!!
Getting diagnosed has changed one thing about me for certain: I have quickly learned to comb the good out of every situation and refuse to take no for an answer. Every doctor appointment, every denied insurance claim (only one so far but it feels like 6), every horror story from a well-meaning survivor, every conversation related to this stupid situation has a purpose that can be used for good. And every milestone is an excuse for a celebration. : )
These boobs have gotten me through some very good times, but now they’re actively trying to kill me. So, while they may have been CEO for quite some time now, I have thoroughly reviewed their contract and decided that it is time for them to step down and let some new girls take the reigns.
And, while I’ll hate to see them go, I’ll love watching them leave!
See y’all on the flip side!!