Minimum Effort FTW

When I start talking to a new guy, I’ll be honest: I put in minimum amounts of effort. Call me a pessimist, but I can usually figure out how the story ends before it begins. I haven’t actively pursued a guy since I was, maybe, 22. I’m not sure I even remember how. I’m a firm believer that if a guy wants to talk to me, he will. And I’ve been proven right every single time I’ve stepped out of this comfort zone, so I stick to my tried and true method of minimal effort and it works. 

However, that doesn’t mean that no one gets through. And it doesn’t stop me from developing feelings for the ones who do. Talk is cheap, but if he acts like he’s going to stick around for more than a couple of dates, (and if I’m interested enough) I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. 
But fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice… You know the drill. 

More often than not, guys treat girls like complete shit. And, unless you’re assertive about it, there’s really nothing we can do about it. (Unless you don’t mind being handed the title of “crazy” by said guy.) So, when that rare time comes around that you get to witness karma first-hand, it’s especially gratifying. These times are sacred and must be cherished. And I got one of these rare, sacred moments on Saturday.

About two months after I broke up with C, I started dating someone who seemed into me, and the feeling was mutual. We’ll call him M. He took me out, texted when he was supposed to and showed genuine interest. Until one weekend when I happened to be out of town when he asked me out and I never heard from him again. Whoops. 

Until Saturday. 

We happened to walk right past each other at the St. Patrick’s day bar crawl. I awkwardly stared him down thinking he looked familiar (we dated through No Shave November). He noticed me and said hello. We kept walking. I never even looked back. For me, that was the end of it. 

Until he texted an hour later. 

“Did I see you out earlier? I think I touched your elbow.”
Yes, asshole. You said hello to me. You reached out, touched my arm and said hello. What a stupid question. 


“What you doin tonight? I just broke up with my stupid gf.”

“What every girl wants to hear!”

Anyway, you get the gist. He proceeded to tell me how he’d started talking to someone else around the time he met me and how I basically lost the competition to be his girlfriend. And did I want to hang out tonight…


When I stopped responding, he admitted he thought this conversation would go better. Though, I’m not sure why. Sir. I know the signs (because I wasn’t born yesterday). I am no one’s back burner bitch. 

If I could’ve laughed in his face, I would have. What an idiot. 

Some people may think my tactic of minimum effort is not exactly a success story since I’m still single, but that all depends on what your vision of success looks like. I personally would rather be happy by myself than miserable with someone else. And thanks to my reluctance to put a label on just anything, I know what it takes to actually feel happy. I will never rely on someone else for something so personal. If I let a guy into my life, it’s because he complements me and makes me a better person. But if being with him makes me feel anything less than I was without him… BYE FELICIA!

And as far as losing the toss up in the girlfriend bet, I think I got the better end of that deal, to be honest. 

So, yeah, karma’s a bitch. But sometimes, she’s a bitch to someone else. 

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