dating in 2016 – not your average cookie

I get told quite often by guys I date that I am different than the normal type of girl they usually go for. And I can’t help but feel slightly insulted at this. Last night I went on a date with a very nice guy who told me he doesn’t usually “step outside the box” with the type of girls he’s dated. That he normally dates the “cookie-cutter type.” And it hasn’t gotten him anywhere.

And he won’t be the last to say something like this. It comes up all the time. My ex said it quite a bit at the beginning and so, even, did his mom! She put it a little more bluntly, though, and said he usually goes for the petite, spoiled daddy’s girls…

Sorry, but I am none of those things. And I never will be. Am I supposed to apologize for that? Am I supposed to be flattered? What exactly is the kind of reaction you are wanting out of me when you say this?

Anyway, I guess last night I’d had enough of just sitting there and smiling politely when being told this (it was the second time he’d mentioned it) and I decided to ask what exactly the “cookie cutter type” is. 

“Attractive. But crazy.”

What exactly does this say about me and my level of attractiveness?! What makes me so different than the next girl? Is it because I’m tall? Collect vinyl? Have bunnies? Drive a stick?

I have insecurities like any other girl, but after I got past the awkward high school years and the 40 pounds I gained at Mississippi State, I’ve considered myself to be slightly above average on the attractiveness scale. More of a 5.5/6 out of 10 if you will. 

Now don’t get me wrong, this guy was meaning this as a compliment all the way. He went on to say they are usually crazy and there’s nothing to them but attractiveness. And that’s why he thinks most marriages don’t work and blah blah blah. I understand what he meant.

I am a grown woman and I pride myself on having different interests than a lot of girls my age and I appreciate it when people recognize this, but what insults me is how impressed they are with themselves when they say this. Every. Time. It’s like they’re realizing for the first time that they are all grown up now and ready to date someone “…real.”

What the hell does that even mean? Do they think dating me is going to be a walk in the park? Because I’ve got news for you, buddy. I’m just as crazy as the next (hot) girl. I’m just going to play my pity party on my turn table instead of iTunes and drop your stuff off in my stick shift instead of my Altima.

Relationships are hard work, and it’s about time guys start realizing this. Everyone has baggage. No matter how “different” or “real” you think this is going to be. My “crazy” might not include burning your house down or slashing your tires. In fact, there’s a huge possibility I’ll get over you long before you get over me. No, my “crazy” has more to do with my own insecurities than anything else. I’m going to push you away and we’ll probably fight a lot until I realize you’re not going anywhere.

No two girls are the same if you try hard enough to get to know one. And there are different levels of crazy. You just have to find the level you can put up with. So try not to insult me while you look.