“Two under two.”
Lol. A cute phrase that severely downplays utter chaos.
First off, let me tell you there is a big difference in 13 months and almost two. A 13 month old has about two words total and may or may not be walking. An almost 2 year old has many words, can RUN, and can even start potty training if you’re ambitious. We don’t have that. We have a 13 month old (almost 14) who absolutely ✨refuses✨ to walk. Every other kid Ruby’s age that I know has been walking for months, BUT NOT OURS. We missed the Irish Twin cutoff by 29 days. We may as well have Irish twins.
We change approximately 8 poopy diapers a day. Many times two (or three!) consecutively. We have to keep track of two different sets of bottles because Ruby still gets bottles at nap time and night time, but her bottles need a larger nipple size than Conway’s.
We are becoming experts at running on broken sleep. Two-hour chunks at a time. All day. All night. For four weeks now. Ruby was giving us 4-hr stretches by this point, which is a real treat when you don’t remember what it’s like to get more than two. I completely forgot my social security number the other day while trying to order birth certificates for Conway – seriously, we tore the house apart looking for my SS card – and I can’t even remember which kid had a bath last night.
Ruby caught a mild cold this week, which is totally fine for her but can be deadly to a newborn – a fever over 100.4° is an automatic hospital stay – so we’ve had to keep them separated. We’ve been washing our hands and changing clothes between each interaction with each kid to hopefully keep Conway from getting sick. It’s got me feeling like the restaurant scene in Mrs. Doubtfire, except we’re also playing whack-a-mole trying to meet both kids’ needs and keep them happy. Listening to two babies crying at the same time ain’t for the faint of heart.
Figuring out our new normal in the midst of the post-baby hormone crash has me stressed to say the least. And even though we have an amazing support system surrounding us, I’ve definitely been feeling some of the baby blues this time around. That feeling that I need to be everywhere at once is constant. The never-ending to-do list that I thought was long before Conway got here seems to have doubled in size overnight. It’s now compounded with the guilt I feel over not being able to devote all of my time to Ruby like I could before. It breaks my heart seeing it manifest in her emotions. Mix all of that in with a dash of the inescapable amount of Lindsey Clancy trial coverage being shoved in our faces in every corner of social media, and it’s been a difficult time to be postpartum.
Ruby, however, has been such a light during this time. She is happy and interactive and growing up right before our eyes. Her giggles are truly the best sound in the whole world. She’s an expert crawler (see above) – always on the move and keeping us on our toes. She already loves her little brother and really wants to play with him. She is learning to be gentle with him for now, but when he is old enough to play with her, she’s gonna teach him a thing or two. She’s going to be the best big sister.
She doesn’t have many words as of right now, but she babbles all day long. She says mama and dada but we still aren’t sure she really knows that they are associated with us. She does have a few very distinctive sounds in the rotation that I will miss when they are replaced with actual words. She loves throwing things up in the air and watching them fall. She loves to dance. War is a particular favorite. She recently learned how to wave and spends lots of time practicing. She loves her puppies and being outside. She loves playtime with her daddy, and now that Conway has arrived, she especially loves being held by mama – something I am taking complete advantage of any chance I get.
The days continue to be super short. I feel like I turn around 3 times and it’s over. I spend so much of my days checking boxes making sure everything gets done and everyone stays happy that I sometimes forget to slow down and just exist in the moment. To soak in the way things are today knowing that tomorrow won’t look the same. I know that one day I’ll wish I could come back here to these moments and relive them, so I want to make sure I truly appreciate every bit of it while I’m in it. So, even in the midst of the chaos, I take too many pictures and videos. I stare at my children. I memorize their faces, their sounds, their tiny hands and feet.
It takes time to slow down and appreciate everyday moments. Time that I never feel like I have enough of. They say when you have kids you come face to face with time. It’s true. Time is the most valuable thing we have but it slips through our fingers like water.
I will always wish for more time. Even on the days that overwhelm me and make me wish they would just end already. Maybe it’s because my time is no longer my own. It belongs to my family now, and I am okay with that. I’m thankful to have people that own my time, because it’s so much better than the alternative.
I love my time with my babies and am especially grateful to be getting newborn snuggles again. I loved them with Ruby and missed them for a hot second (how is it that we only remember the sweetest parts of having a newborn after we’re out of the worst of it?!). And now I’m enjoying this phase of Ruby. It’s so fun trying new ways to make her giggle.
It still blows my mind that I have kids (plural). That I am a MOM. That I have a son and a daughter. It’s not lost on me how lucky Matt and I are that they chose us to be their parents in this crazy world. And through all the stress and worries about the future, there’s no question whether or not I would do it all over again. I absolutely love being a mama.
Constant chaos and all.
Now, where’s my tequila?!
💕
mypantsaretooshort 
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